Wednesday, March 24, 2010

B-Buckles and Zebra Stripes

The solution has come! For the first time in almost a month I am able to wear my jeans all day and not feel like I've stuffed myself into a denim tube. Introducing (drum roll)... THE B-BUCKLE!


A few posts ago I mentioned not being able to wear my jeans without looking like I'm wearing a fanny pack. Well here it is folks, the one and only b-buckle, made especially for pregnant women who no longer fit into their jeans. It attaches to your belt loops, and you can adjust it to fit your growing tummy! It's wide enough so that it covers up the unbuttoned button and the unzipped zipper.

"Wow, this seems like an awesome product," you say. "I'm going to go buy five of them!" Don't buy five of them. You really only need one. Also, this is no miracle worker. No matter what the pictures may say, this product will not automatically give you a good tan and a pregnant-hour-glass figure. But it WILL allow you to wear your pants well into your second trimester.

In other news...

I scar terribly. I have scars all over my back from when I had terrible acne in middle school, and stretch marks from when my skin couldn't keep up with the rest of me getting taller. So I imagine that this experience is going to leave its "mark." (Laugh please. You're all I have to entertain.) I read about a product called Bio-Oil, which is marketed specifically to pregnant women as an oil that will reduce the appearance of stretch marks. I bought a small bottle of it at Walgreen's, but it hasn't really been working. That's mostly because I haven't been using it. It leaves my skin feeling slick and clogged, the way one's face might feel after having worn too much makeup all day. And it's supposed to be used twice daily for the full effects. Testimonials be hanged, if it doesn't feel good on my skin, there ain't no way I'm using it.

This brings me to the grand decision of the week, which will change the way I look at myself in the mirror, and probably how I will view others in my life.

I do not have stretch marks. I have zebra stripes!

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